really...& how did YOUR day go ?

I would rather suck my big toe than have to go to the dentist.

There, I've said it !

give me a mammogram...squish the girls....much easier than going to the dentist.

**********

The bottom teeth are now hopefully okay.

They were nearly done in after I chewed on a Viactive Calcium chew

and pulled off an old cap, only to discover that the tooth next to that one was equally, if not in worse shape, than the Viactive one. Today...a double crown was inserted and a whole new way to floss  - with some incredible gum torturing contraption that looks like I'm threading a needle  - and I'm blind !

appliance !!!...is that what they're calling my new teeth....AN APPLIANCE !!!

The TOP teeth are in worse shape. After 6 gorgeous crowns last year 3 had to be replaced because of resorption in the middle one.....Lets not get into that you dental students out there.....its a long story.

More Novocaine than a human is allowed by law. Stinging. Painful. Crybaby! Underneath the caps I resembled a vampire. It was even too gross for ME to take a pix of.

There'll be one more loooong visit for the vampire teeth and hopefully I'm done..... till it's time for the 6 mos cleaning when the agony of defeat starts all over again.

*********

Okay..so, then the dentist (who I really do love BTW) says I'm ok to eat but should wait for the novocaine to wear off. Since I couldn't make my lips look in the least normal anyway I figured that was a good idea. I'd go across the street to Ocean County Mall, walk around for an hour...call it exercise....try on a few things....call it exercise.... and by then it will be time for sushi.

I park.....at BOSCOVS dept store. I see the sign when I come inside the store says 'SOUTH' entrance so I know I have to remember this if I ever want to see my car again.

Into the mall we go...straight through Boscovs, do not pass go, and on to Macys....don't NEED anything...am just going there for the exercise & to kill time.

First thing I pass in the mall is a huge cart selling gummies. Are they kidding me? I just had 3 hours of dental work done.....

Aaaah Macys......find some GLEE apparel in the teenage section. I am a grandma who THINKS she is a teen...so...I try some on. I am killing time. WOW one shirt fits great...it says MUSIC IS MY LIFE

I buy it.

There's a strong possibility I'm gonna look like a dork cause it says GLEE on it, but I don't care..I really love the shirt. I really love GLEE.

I schlep around for another hour...I find a purse..I need a purse like I need a third eye.....I buy 3 bras....those I need......I kill time as the mouth thing improves and now...alas..I am ready to go. Must find "SOUTH".

I am moderately confused. I don't see any signs over the doors.  I whip out my IPhone and search for SOUTH on the compass. Brilliant huh???? I walk right toward SOUTH. I'm so excited that the IPhone compass is so accurate.

No sign over that door.....or any door.

Aaaah, but, no panic.

Oh no...its too soon to panic. It's probably early dementia . I can deal. Worst case scenario..... I'll call The Lenster who'll leave me there 'exercising' till about 6 pm when he'll drive over after work to help me find the car. By then my credit card will be maxed anyway and I'll probably be a size smaller from all that walking.

I decide to walk outside Macys.....in the parking lot..... yucky, humid, drizzling. I walk around the entire building. Macys is big. No car.

After 30 minutes of this utter nonsense....since I know I came there by car...I decide to go back inside the mall and retrace my path...I'm lucky I can remember that I had a 'path' to begin with !

DUH....you dumb-head...you didn't park at Macys..you parked at Boscovs. Well, what a friggin' relief that was.

Now I am going to use my IPhone to leave myself photos of where I parked and voice memos too....cause I see where all of this is going !

I called The Lenster to re-cap the story....YUP, he says..no matter how many crossword puzzles and word games we do.....this is where we're all headed !!!

Oy vey !!!

Comments

[Ed McGoldrick]

And here I was, kinda excited to replace a loose crown because it's about time. So how are you faring with flossing, Suze? I must admit that flossing is a hard habit to maintain, but nevertheless we should continue doing it. I opted to visit our dentist whose specialty is family dentistry because I'll be bringing my daughter along.

What I don't like at all though was getting a root canal. Good thing there are a handful of friendly dentists here in Colorado Springs.

[sedation dentist (Phoenix)]

I was seriously laughing so hard here in the office. Reminds me of the time when I visited my sedation dentist (Phoenix area) with my grandma. Your family must be lucky to have you around. Haha! Well, I hope your teeth are okay now. Maybe the parking dilemma was because of your tooth pain. Anyway, thanks for the good laugh!

- Fred Collinsworth

[Claret Belle]

I am to the point that I cold be hysterical about this post - this is my first time here and I am coming back. I have not had a laugh like this lately and I needed it. Thanks

[Gail Bales]

Too funny! I feel your pain. Thanks for making my day!
Gail in Oklahoma

[Dawn Edwards]

LOL Thanks for the great story. I'm glad you found your car the compass trick had me laughing so hard.

[Bonnie]

Oh, sorry for your day, but you made mine! I read the blog entry at work, and was laughing so hard I couldn't tell them (the body shop guys) what i was laughing about...not that they would "get it" anyway. TFS, Suze!

[Karen Knegten]

Hi Suze-
I retired after 23 years as a dental assistant and thought your commentary was hilarious. Guess what, those floss threaders are fabulous, not only for your teeth! I use them all the time when making cards to thread twine, ribbons, jute, etc. through buttons and eyelets. Especially when the ends are the kind that frays or unravels.

[Barbara]

Just got to read your blog about your trip to the dentist.I love my dentist too but maybe that's because it's my husband!Had to show him your blog and we both had a good laugh.I can also identify not remembering where the car is.However one day I came out and it actually was not there.Someone liked it so much they stole it.Now I begin to panic when I don't see my car.Have a Happy New Year.

[jennie]

OMG I am laughing so hard the tears are pouring down my face and it is only 7am in the morning. Suze, you have set me up for the day :) I am so glad I am not parking my car today, as I don't have an iphone, and my memory left in the last decade!! Have fun at the weekend
hugs ( still laughing)

[Larissa Heskett]

YOU ROCK!! It is so funny to me that there are not more comics in this world!! I mean just to tell your story. An actual factual story that really touches and relates to people. You make so many laugh and it even makes you laugh, not to mention how much better you feel after laughing. On top of that good feeling you are actually buring calories while you laugh and that helps you even more. So the moral of the story here is we should all tell our stories more, and we would feel better making us laugh more, burning calories and in a sense becoming comics!! Awesome plan America we need to do this everyday!! Thanks so much for sharing and making me laugh and feel better then burn calories. I didn't even have the leave the couch!!
Have a GREAT DAY!!
Larissa Heskett

[Linda H]

Oh goodness! The shopping, I mean exercising trip was too funny. I still have tears in my eyes from laughing. Thank you for the hilarious story!

A word of warning - Watch out for starburst candies. . .they can lift crowns off too.

Have a fabulous weekend!

[Joy Meadows]

Really, Suze, getting older is NOT a laughing matter!! (I say, as I sit here laughing like a lunatic!) You will certainly sail right on with humor like that to bolster you, and everyone around you! I needed a good laugh, so thank you for sharing your adventure. How was the sushi??

[Wendy Gale]

OMG how I laughed, you see I went to the Dentist too today, for a check up and clean. What I want to know is how the hell cleaning can be so painful and cause so much blood loss?? He says to me, all seems fine but a few areas are a little loose - I am not friggin surprised, you just shoved the little sharp tooly thing around like you were diggin for diamonds. I am sure he is just making sure there is work for next time around.......geesh was I glad to get out of there. I treated myself to a new shirt and matching scarf for being such a good patient and not screaming while crushing his manly bits which were at hand height as I lay back in his chair wearing a pair of 1960's style sunglasses and a plastic bib!!! Hope your tomorrow is more fun xx

[cher]

oh god..u are Erma Bombeck arent u? peed my pants...TYVM! toooooooooo funny girl. xo cher

[Stamperino]

I love my "appliance" (I got a double one, too!) But let me tell you that those floss threaders are fab for pulling chunky fibers through holes! I make sure I get extra from the dentist so I always have them on hand! LOL!

[Nikki]

Awww hope you're not in too much pain from the dental work..... and as for the car incident, well you've really cheered me up..... I love reading your Blog each day. Thanks for the tip on where to get my Melting Pot.

[Lizbeth]

My sympathy about the dental work. It can be hell. Trying to find the right exit from a mall is only funny AFTERWARDS. The pix on your IPod sounds like a great idea.

[karlalala]

i just turned 50 this month, and was on my iPhone with a friend while getting out of my car... grabbing my backpack, i noticed the pocket i keep my iPhone in was open and the iPhone wasn't in there!! so i said to my friend that i was talking to on my iPhone, "shoot, i think i lost my phone!", my friend, being the supportive type she is, she said "oh no! where do you think it is?" then it dawned on me, HELLO!! you're USING it goofball!! but man i paniced for those couple seconds!! then we cracked up!! it's fun getting older, huh... NOT!!

[Anna]

Hey Suze!
There is a free App for you iPhone called Beacon that lets you tag where you car is parked and then when you are ready to go it will guide you back to your car.

[Heidi Gore]

You can look at it this way--the dentist just gave you a new tool to thread ribbon and beads--I use a dental floss threader a lot for ribbon and beads with bigger holes. Works great. As for the dementia thing--I'm right behind you. I took a picture of the elevator I needed to take to get back out of a big hospital in Philadelphia. I was not going to get lost there!!

[ida]

This post was so hilarious! I strongly identify with your feelings about dental work, dementia and those "duh" moments. Nice to know we are all in the same leaky boat.

[Sam Poole]

Hey Suze! I read this and boy was I laughing! I can appreciate your 'love' for the dentist...I too would rather stick a fork in my eye than visit my dentist! lol

Anyways I just thought I would say Hi....(I believe Janet from the Craft Range here in the UK has brought me up in conversation lol) Its a small world as I am Colin Poole's Daughter (Creative Expressions)lol

Hope to meet you one day in the near future!

Sam Poole x

P.S Love Love Love your art!:)

[Renee S.]

Too funny. I do feel your pain, however. I hate going to the dentist. Those floss things that you're supposed to use - well, I use them for stringing beads that have tiny holes. Kind of like a needle with thread. Why would I use them for their actual purpose?
Good luck with your teeth. I really do understand.

[Kathyk]

Oh my, we've all had that OMG Where's the frigging car gone moment but you've made panic sound funny - well done you. Hope your new teeth are great, comfy and pain free too!

Kathyk

[Deborah K]

I'm still laughing ! ! ! ! ! !

Suze, you're my kinda woman.